The nice thing about life is also the daunting thing about life: There’s no blueprint. People have cited animal studies to argue for the biological imperative of promiscuity (even in females of the species), but I think common sense does plenty of the heavy lifting in explaining the draw of the other, no red flour beetle data needed.Ĭould you be inherently nonmonogamous? Maybe! There are plenty of people among us who develop not mere crushes but intense love for others outside of their primary relationships. Why wouldn’t they? Strangers can provide one thing your partner cannot: newness. What I do know is that a lot of people crush on others outside their completely healthy relationship. I don’t know “normal,” never met her, never even sat next to her on the subway. I’ve Noticed Something Very Strange About My Well-Endowed Lover My question is-why do I still develop crushes and find myself pretty strongly attracted to other men when my husband already ticks all of the boxes? Is this craving for novelty a sign that things aren’t as perfect as I think they are, or is this normal? If so, how do I remain happy in a monogamous marriage (I’m not open to opening up our marriage) when I crave this novelty? The biggest turn on for me in this whole fantasy is thinking about the rush of sleeping with someone new for the first time-basically the excitement that comes with the whole gamut of experiencing new sensations with someone unfamiliar to you. While my husband views this as perhaps a one-time thing, it has highlighted to me that I am regularly turned on by the thought of sleeping with someone else. Where I’m struggling especially with this idea is that as much as I am genuinely turned on by my husband, I still find myself developing crushes/admiring other men. We’ve also talked about our fears and reservations about actually following through with such an arrangement, so for now this fantasy is fulfilled by simply talking about it (what would turn us on, what I would do, what I’d want the guy to do to me, etc.). He says this would be a huge turn-on, and I am certainly turned on by the prospect. One of the things we’ve discussed semi-seriously is my husband watching while I have sex with another man. This has led to us trying things for the first time that were unspoken desires in past relationships, and just generally having a lot of fun together in bed. We are very open with sharing our desires and fantasies, and we communicate really well about our sex life. I had an intense crush on my husband for a long time before we hooked up, and he still gives me butterflies on a regular basis. We have a toddler and a fantastic sex life-better even than pre-parenthood. I am in my mid-30s and happily married to my husband for five years.
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